At the moment I feel lost. Lost for words, lost for action. I have no idea where to begin. I'm in so much pain both physically and emotionally. The Doctors think I may have pneumonia. I can't think, can't move, can't do anything. It's great to see my family again but I feel alone. Two of my friends are in South Australia and the rest have moved on with their own lives. It's like I am frozen in time while I'm watching the rest of the world pass me by. I don't know where to go or who to turn to or simply, how to begin this healing process. I just experienced the trip of a life time. I laughed. I cried. I loved. I experienced. I learnt. But most of all I discovered a whole new side to myself. A side no one back home has met and now that I have returned, I am fighting harder than ever to keep that side of me. To ensure that no one puts me back inside that box I spent so much of my life in... It's difficult for people to understand the way I am feeling right now because I myself am struggling to understand. My body has shut down but my mind is still going 100 kilomoters per hour. I want to go out and see my friends, I want to return to work, I want to return to life but I just can't. How can I return to a normal life after such an extraordinary experience. Every step I take forward seems to be followed by ten steps backward. Every time I think I am feeling better, something shouts "Just kidding" and the pain starts all over again. I've contacted my friends but they are all so busy and who can blame them?
Don't get me wrong. I don't feel sorry for myself. I knew that this day would come. I knew it was going to be difficult to return to reality after such a life changing journey. The truth is, I glady accept these feelings because I know they only exist solely because I have experienced something most people my age could never imagine. Right now I am at a fragile point where I am faced with a decision. A complicated decision. To return to living life the way I used to, or to take on a new chapter of my life.Yes my trip may have ended but my journey still continues... Next chapter?
The journey has just begun. You will find your footing. If you read my old blogs you will see that I felt the same way when I got home. But it gets easier. Your body and mind just need time to recover from the last five months.
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